I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
