OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
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