By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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