I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
