What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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