ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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