Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
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