after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
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