Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
