OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
