i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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