Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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