we have officially lost it.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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