I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Randomize
