If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
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