I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Randomize
