Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Randomize
