Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
True college students do jello shots in the library
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
