i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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