Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
