girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
