It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
