i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
