he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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