look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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