she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
