Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Randomize
