went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
this will be a night to untag.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
