I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
