do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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