yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
