It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
