I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
