you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
you will always have a special place in my vag
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
