And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
