just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize
