so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Randomize
