Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
