Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
