He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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