If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
