Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
