if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Randomize
