How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
i am craving dick and cupcakes
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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