I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
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