Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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