The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
