I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
