I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Randomize
