You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
40s are totally the cure
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
